Operation: Get Skinny?!?!

It seems that I forgot the theme and title of my own blog. I have been obsessing over “Operation: Get Skinny” when that wasn’t even the focus. In an effort to take a break from my usual rants about life in the fat lane, I’d like to take it down a notch and focus on some other avenues of hotness. I swear, all my complaining and body image issues, some days I’m no better than Heidi Montag! Okay, so maybe that’s a slight exaggeration but you get my point.

Anyway, I am absolutely refusing to buy clothes in whatever size I am. That makes dressing a terribly difficult chore. I typically end up in some sort of maternity clothes and too small,old clothes combo. I am so torn about whether this is the right approach or not. I feel like if I got like a little bit to wear that looked nice on me in my current body, I would feel prettier, hold my head higher and not have a near breakdown every time I get dressed. On the other hand, spending money on clothes I don’t plan on wearing much longer seems like admitting defeat. I feel like I would be congratulation myself for being where I don’t want to be. I am scared of acceptance. All my life I have felt girls and women should embrace their bodies as they are. Yet, all I want to do is change my own body. How very confusing!

In other efforts, I have finally got around to putting a little focus on my nails. Saturday I took the time to totally do my fingers and toes. I hate to wear open-toed shoes without my toes done. Now my feet are soft and smooth with a pretty orange-red polish.

Right now I am using Crest WhiteStrips. They seem to work really well on my teeth and brighten my smile in a short amount of time. Who can’t appreciate that?!? I am absolutely dying to go tanning. I can’t lie. I love how I feel after a 20 minute nap under the UV. Aside from the sunny glow on my skin, I notice an improvement in my complexion. It improves any acne I have and the bumps on the backs of my arms (keratosis pilaris). Unfortunately, I’m not as short-sighted or invincible as I once was. Now I am too scared of possible sun spots, wrinkles and skin cancer to go back to my old ways. I realize that spray tans are supposed to be the answer, but I am rather wary of them as well. I just don’t get how coating oneself in who knows what can be good for you. I should research it more, but until then, I guess I am stuck being almost as pale as my husband and daughter.

Success!

Despite everything, I must be doing something right. I didn’t report in after last week’s Friday weigh in, but I lost one pound last week. This morning I again weighed myself and once again I lost a pound. I feel so encouraged by this. Losing just a single pound each week means I really get it. I am making positive lifestyle changes and gradually losing an appropriate amount of weight. Typically my most successful form of weight loss has been from the “too much, too soon” school of thought. When I realize I have an event that I would like to look pretty for in two weeks, I starve myself for the two weeks. I feel slimmer for the evening but before the party is over, I consume twice as many drinks and desserts as I should have. I remember that when husband and I went on our cruise to Cabo, I tried to start getting bikini ready almost 3 months before we flew to San Diego. During that three month time span, every time someone offered me cake, I helped myself and figured, “Eh, what the hell? I have 10 weeks to work this German Chocolate off….”
But, look at me now! Here I am making good choices to reach a long term goal. Hopefully, I will kick the yo-yo dieting habit forever!
Not to put all the blame on something else, but the lack of good summer sunshine is really slowing me down. Everyday I want to put on a tank top and go for a good long walk with Sophia. Every day it rains and she and I are stuck inside looking rather pale and chubby. Hopefully tomorrow will be nice. My dad and three of my siblings are playing in a golf tournament in town and it would be really lovely to just go walk around and get a bit of a glow going on.
I feel like I am starting to get my physical self together. I am losing the weight and taking more time to look nice. At the same time, I almost feel like I am afraid of success. This morning I felt good knowing I had lost some weight and my measurements are definitely getting better too. Then, this afternoon, I had a small breakdown to dear husband and tonight I am currently enjoying a glass of wine and peanut butter cookies! Ha- with a crazy combo like that, I sound pregnant again.
In an effort to stay on track (or get back on track, depending on how you view my evening of indulgences), I am going to set my first short term goal with a real deadline. Husband’s cousin is getting married July 10. The wedding will be outdoors and quite warm. I would like to look nice in a sleeveless dress. I would like to loose an additional four pounds in the next three weeks. That will put me at 166. Perhaps I should put down the Riesling and pickup the hand weights, but that can always wait until tomorrow… ;)

I'm ok...

Oh dear blog of mine, it has been too long. It has been about a week and a half since I wrote last. I guess I fell off the wagon. By that I mean both the blogging wagon as well as the dieting wagon. As per my commitment, I had a weekly weigh in on the last two Fridays. For my first weigh-in, I found my previous statement of being 170 was false. I am 172. After that sad news, I should have stepped it up and gotten really serious, but I did not. Instead, I linked this blog to my facebook profile as recommended by my husband. I have to admit it was rather exciting to have people actually read what I write. It was also nice to receive encouraging words regarding my writing and my current figure. On the other hand, having people tell me that I look good and not to be so hard on myself just put me back where I was before I began this little journey. I think I gave the impression that I was experiencing postpartum depression or self hatred by making digs at my own body. That’s not really the idea. For one, exaggerating is humorous to me. It makes my life more entertaining to write and read about. Secondly, it adds a sense of priority to the situation. If I sit around thinking I look fine, I absolutely will eat ice cream everyday. If I acknowledge that I am light-years away from my recommended BMI, I will take charge of my own lifestyle and eating habits and be the person I want to be. Likewise if I spend most of my time at home (which I do) and don’t recognize where overeating, frumpy clothes and laziness will get me, I will become my worst nightmare- the polar opposite of a “momshell”.
I would be lying to say my confidence hasn’t suffered through my pregnancy and entrance into motherhood. At the same time, other parts of me have really blossomed. I am not experiencing manic or postpartum depression. I am not bi-polar. I am not about to become anorexic or bulimic. I am working on me in the way that best suits me- through honesty, writing, humor and openness.
That said, let’s get back down to business. So after all the “Laurel, you ARE hot, don’t be a hater” comments, I took some time off. I didn’t go to McDonald’s and order one of everything, but I didn’t work out every day and I ate some things that probably didn’t contribute to a healthier lifestyle. Before I knew it, it was Friday again. I go t back on the scale and surprise, surprise, I was still 172. This time it was happy news. Not happy that I was 172 (yikes!), happy that I had a no worries, no diet, no exercise week and maintained my weight. Good to know. Thursday afternoon I took a 3+ mile walk with my new mommy friend and stroller pal, but I think that was my only “workout” all week. Friday my little family and I went out of town to visit some friends for the weekend. I didn’t have any designated workout time, but I did spend time outside, go for walks pushing the stroller and try not to completely gorge myself on junk food. Hell, I even ordered a green salad and grilled chicken breast when we went out to lunch! I also cheated and weighed myself once. It was a Weight Watchers scale that went to the nearest tenth of a pound. It was calling my name. It looked so accurate; I just wanted to see how it measured up to my own bathroom scale. On Saturday afternoon, I weighed myself fully dressed. I was 171.3. I realize that is not a big difference from the 172 I weighed at home, but it seemed like a small success to me. So here I am, back home again and ready to go again. Now all I need is some summer sunshine to show up so I will take more walks with Sophia this week!